Alternatively,
by Flyawayfreedom
Summary: Things takes a different turn in SiH. How will the scene unfold instead ? Out of character Ritsu. AU
1. Intro

Hi guys, before you start anything i just want to explain the situation to you.

Basically, it is about how things would happen if we had a different, out of character Ritsu.

Maybe somethings would remain the same and maybe not.

Add on: some of the ideas are inspired by discussions I have with fans regarding the manga.

As for the title of the chapters, they are linked to the title of the story. So it's like this: '' Alternatively, ( title of chapter) .''

Enjoy !

**I do not own Sekaiichi hatsukoi or the characters. Nakaruma sensei does.**


	2. I won't be blushing

_You took my light_  
_You drained me down_  
_But that was then_  
_And this is now_

- Katy Perry,Part Of Me

* * *

**In ep 3, on the train.**

"I'm not avoiding you, if that's what you mean," lies Onodera smoothly as he turn and face Takano san, blinking a few times on purpose. It always seems innocent and natural enough that it made people stop probing. He's done it for so many times, it felt like a chore rather than an act. Over the years, Ritsu's learnt _–_ and mastered _–_ the art of faking emotions. He can even blush on cue, albeit not all the time it was successful; but at least he found a way to stop blushing uncontrollably around people and in difficult situations- a situation like this.

''Why would I avoid you? '' question the brunette who was squeezed into a corner in the tightly packed train. Coming out of his mouth, the idea of it sounds ridiculous.

While Onodera was,in fact,avoiding the tall man, that doesn't mean he has to admit it; it will only give him more ideas. It's true that Onodera has always been nice and polite to everyone, but the horrible incident forced him to adapt maintaining a happy(or at least normal) front all the time. He couldn't tell his parents _They will freak_. He didn't think An chan would understand_. What if I upset her? _There's no one else he could share it with _Why did I even consider that? _

_Are you alright? Oh*blinks* I'm fine. _

_Is something bothering you? *Smile* no *smile*._

The young boy learnt how to act a long time ago- and has been doing it ever since. It fooled everyone; it could fool the man too.

"If I really were avoiding you Takano san, I wouldn't even take the train, would I?"  
ask Ritsu, applying a seemly logical explanation, looking at his superior straight in the eye. After this point, people just drop the suspicion and laugh, feeling silly for having such an assumption in the first place. Ritsu sees the conviction in their eyes and wins. They leave him alone.  
Takano san, however, pins his gaze on Onodera, his amber eyes unreadable.

_It's alright_ thinks Ritsu, holding his gaze before turning his own green eyes back to the train window .

_I can do it too_

"I think it's all just coincidences_– _that i always have to go or do something whenever you see me." Onodera explains further. The train shakes as it turns abruptly around a bend. Ritsu closes his eyes and steadies himself, leaning against the door frame for support. _Good luck trying to read me now _"You're thinking too much," he adds with a note of finality. He's not that naive schoolboy anymore, and he's not going to act like this is his crush in front of him. Time has toughened Onodera Ritsu up.

The conversation ends.


	3. Onodera Ritsu knows what to do

_'' No, it's much better to face these kinds of things_

_With a sense of poise and rationality '' _

Panic! At The Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies

* * *

Ep 4, in the restroom.

Cold water splashes his face. The new manga editor turned off the tap and wipes his face roughly using a paper napkin, reawakening his senses. Finally, he had a chance to prove himself_–_ and he succeeded. Feeling worn from the mental and physical toll from flying to and forth and rushing the work, Onodera pats his cheeks. What a close call. Exhaustion was starting to sink in. It was worth it though, if he could prove his worth to himself_–_ and to everyone else_–_ even just abit.

Out of the corner of his eye, Onodera spotted a head of dark hair behind him.

''Yokozawa san, '' greeted Onodera as he spun around. '' Is there anything I can do for you ? ''

The sales manager regarded him coolly, folding his arms.

''You've got guts coming to Marukawa, '' he spat.

Onodera blinks, his mind working. _Is he talking about me being the heir to Onodera publishing ? _He stands still. _That doesn't mean I can't work here._

'' I'm sorry, '' the editor apologized. '' But I'm not quite sure if I understand the situation. ''

_What, is there some company policy that states the heir of a rival company can't work in theirs ? Besides, I'm in shoujo manga, not lit. _

Whatever the reason, Onodera doesn't think confronting in the restroom was a great idea_. _Yokozawa san was loud, and really annoying. But of course, the newbie knows better than to piss the wild bear of Marukawa shoten off by saying out all that's in his head, especially so when he's so fresh. After all, why create unnecessary trouble for yourself ?

''Don't act dumb,'' growled the older worker. '' You know the reason why Masamune is all screwed up is because of you.'' He states angrily, eyes narrowing down on the younger man opposite him.

_This is interesting,_ thought Onodera as he process everything, going back to the time he saw Takano and Yokozawa san having a shouting match, only to be seen laughing together over jokes during a smoke break afterwards, looking like chummy buddies. Although editing in shoujo manga wasn't as fulfilling as working with literature, things were certainly turning out to be more and more interesting with each day.

Onodera doesn't refute that statement_–_ he has more things to find out, so instead, he pose his own question.

''Excuse me for asking this Yokozawa san, '' said the green horn, their relationship piquing his curiosity. _Might as well ask since the man's standing there. _'' Are you two lovers ? ''

Flabbergasted,the normally scary looking sales manager's face was turning a surprising hue of red as he struggled to compose himself at the blunt question thrown at him. Watching, Onodera suppresses a smirk at the reaction. _Ah, I see._ He's seen enough of that to know what it is. After all, the jaded adult had been through it.

''It's.. It's none of your business what it is ! '' exclaimed the flustered sales manager .

''Its okay Yokozawa san, '' said Onodera, giving an understandable smile. '' I stalked him for 3 years. He gave me a chance anyways.'' _Or so it seemed_

The brunette bites his tongue, not wanting to lose composure by bursting out laughing at seeing the ferocious sales manager look so_ embarrassed_. He knows he's pushing the boundaries, but Onodera can't help enjoying the surprise people get from being caught off guard by an unassuming person such as himself. _Don't piss him off. Don't piss him off. Don't piss him off,_ he chants in his head as he smiles broadly.

''If you're concern about that, I can assure you I'm not interested in anything but doing my job as a manga editor well,'' Onodera claims reassuringly and bows deeply,partly because it's true, but mostly because that's what the man opposite him wants to hear. '' I hope this conversation can stay between the two of us,'' the brunette requested modestly, since there is no way the prideful elder will ask the younger man to do so with the piece of information out in the air, so Onodera has to do it.

''Just don't get too full of yourself,'' warned Yokozawa grudgingly.

''Pleased talking to you, Yokozawa san,'' said Onodera politely before he exits the restroom and return to his desk. The rookie's still learning the ropes for shoujo manga editing, but in terms of getting out of a sticky situation_,_ this ain't his first rodeo.

A few minutes later, the sales manager steps out of the restroom, meeting up with Takano.

_This is getting interesting,_ thought Ritsu as he watches them leave together.

_Very interesting_

**Note: I don't know what's Yokozawa's position in the sales department so I gave him Sales Manager. **


	4. I tell you what you want to hear

_So you're feeling tied up to a sense of control_

_And make decisions that you think are your own_

Mikky Ekko - Who Are You, Really?

* * *

**Ep 7, after running into each other in the restaurant.**

_This is annoying, _thought Onodera in irritation, his friendly neighbor façade cracking as he draws his lips into a thin line. He's cold and tired, and pinned against a door that doesn't belong to his apartment and trapped against a body stronger than his.

"You're in love with me, aren't you?" probed his superior/neighbor/ex-boyfriend– whatever he is– the guy's turning into a nuisance. Drilling his eyes onto Onodera, Takano is working on whatever voodoo magic he has over the younger man. The young editor feels cornered again, lately more due to this person standing in front of him. It doesn't help that Takano has the gaze of a hunting predator looking at his prey, trapping Onodera.

Vexed and exasperated, Onodera looks away and roll his eyes. Earlier on, his boss kissed him _because he looked comical_ , and then his overbearing friend claim Takano as his. And now he's doing this shit again. _Give me a break already_. The younger man's good mood turned sour when he meet Takano who was with a female companion, in the restaurant.

Onodera might have let Takano kissed him a few times, only because the brunette was caught on surprise and done forcefully. _I am not in love with you, _the brunette insists in his head.

That time after the train ride, when Onodera tried one more time to convince Takano to leave him alone since _he has a girlfriend,_ Takano called him out on his bullshit lies, calling him a liar and subsequently forced him onto the floor, kissing him. Just in time, Onodera managed to pull himself together before the arrival of the sales manager. He wouldn't have managed to convince him so spectacularly well otherwise. However, Takano must have told him something, or he saw the kiss. Why else would Yokozawa claim him as his?

Demanding an answer, the older man tightened his grip on Onodera's arms further .A few hours ago, Takano himself was with another woman, now he dares call Onodera irresponsible?

'' Why don't you go play with Yokowaza san instead? '' suggested the annoyed brunette harshly, remembering the sales manager. A new wave of annoyance hits the young editor. Fruitlessly, he tries to tear the fingers off of him. _Why are they giving me so much crap?_

''Huh? '' Started Takano, '''Yokozawa is a friend. ''

_A friend ?_ Onodera raises an eyebrow. _You sure about that?_

''Maybe you should ask Yokawaza san about that.'' Doubtful, Onodera raises both his eyebrows while keeping a neutral expression. He's shaking though, not knowing from the cold or from being confronted like this. _It's the cold_, the young editor insists, in denial of the situation he's in.

''Oi !'' Takano raises his voice, '' You should listen to what other people are telling you !''

_And you should listen to your own advice_, thought Onodera, lips shut.

Takano stares, waiting impatiently. ''You still haven't answer me. '' The pair of amber eyes burning into him; Onodera hates it- he hates the storm of emotions that rages inside him whenever this person is near.

Onodera studies the man holding him. _He's so desperate for an answer._ Then Onodera realizes– he has the upper hand– not Yokozawa– not Takano. He does. Onodera is calm again.

For a few seconds, the jaded young man considered acting dumb , but no– he changes his mind.

''You want my answer? '' Onodera made his choice. '' Since you can detect whatever bullshit I'm saying, there's no point lying to you. '' Takano waits. '' You can tell it's the truth, right? ''

"I am in love with you" Onodera deadpans. No emotion. No exclamation. No love.

The meaning is anything but that, and Takano knows it.

The brunette looks the raven dead in the eyes, dropping all acts. He tries to ignore the rapid beating of his heart and the grip Takano has loosens. The man looks stunned. The brunette grabs the opportunity to return to his apartment, standing at his own door.

"Stop assuming I am and harassing me all the time," he says, taking out the keys. Onodera's not acting; this is him– crystal clear. "What I do outside work is none of your business." He's not gonna lose composure again. "I don't need your approval to decide who I spend my free time with after taking care of my work."

"Listen up, Onodera," says Takano finally, his drench hair soaking his coat. "I love you."

_There he goes again._ Slamming his open door, Onodera turns and look at Takano.

"YOU listen up," snapped Onodera, fuming. "I answered you already, so stop harassing me.'' _What does he want from me? _"If you're mad about me leaving you ten years ago, I'm sorry. I thought you were playing with me so I left." _You still are_. "If you really love me, leave me alone."

Silence

_What? What else does he wants? _

''I will never fall in love with you-'' the editor states, "-so leave me alone and let me do my job in peace, editor in chief." Onodera doesn't bother looking at the same person he did so long ago. He's looked more than enough during those 3 years in the library, as the dream he had in the morning reminded him. Twisting the door open, Onodera slams it shut once he's inside.

The truth , or what he tells himself anyways.


	5. Oneshot

**This is a stand alone story with no relation to any of the chapters/****episodes** of the **manga/**anime.

Slowing his car to a stop, Takano stares at the traffic light. It switches to a glaring red right after amber. Tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, Takano wonders just where the hell Ritsu is. He was avoiding him again. The editor in chief did expect Onodera to do that every now and then since the brunette would try anything to avoid falling in love with him, but what irritated Takano was the fact that his neighbour actually did succeed in getting away from his clutches.

While he wasn't new to the brunette's see-and-run routine, Ritsu somehow found a way to hide from him on the way to work and disappear again after. He didn't see him get out of his apartment in the morning and neither did he see him in the train they took together. Yet, the newbie arrives to work on time or even earlier, already busy with work.

''Where were you? '' interrogated Takano once during lunch break.

''What do you mean where? '' replied Ritsu in annoyance.

''I didn't see you get out of the apartment, and neither did I see you on the train. ''

''Well, I was obviously on my way here,'' answered the younger man, not giving any specific details. ''Where else can I be? ''

So Onodera wasn't going to tell him anything, eh ?

Then, the raven decided, he just have to do it his way- which meant incessant loud pounding on the door in the wee earlier morning, along with multiple calls until the brunette picks up. Only then can Takano get the little brunette into the car with him to drive them both to work. Strangely, instead of getting a displeased sleep-deprived Ritsu answering the door to tell him to _stop with the knocking_, there was no reply.

''Onodera !'' called Takano as he knocks the door. After a few minutes, the editor in chief puts his ears on the door and listens. Nothing. No movements.

'' _Where is that brat ?_ '' wondered Takano, swallowing thickly. Irrational fear was rising in him as a sudden thought of Ritsu moving without telling him appeared in his mind. The party picks up the call- Onodera answers.

''Where are you? '' demands Takano, releasing the breath he was holding.

''Going to work.'' The answer came with a background of traffic noise. A shrill horn of a car was heard.

''Wher-''

''Excuse me Takano san, I have to go,'' said Onodera hurriedly, cutting him off. He didn't pick up any of the calls afterwards.

So Takano had no choice but to go to work in his car- alone. Too busy thinking about Ritsu, Takano hadn't notice the motorbike which had stopped next to him, waiting for the traffic light too. Wearing a helmet which concealed his face, the driver was watching Takano, who was oblivious to his surroundings. If Takano had paid a bit more attention to his side, he might have realized the staring of the biker, observing him. As usual, the raven had a neutral expression. However, there was an extra crease above his eyebrows. Amused, the masked biker watches as the default expression returns to the Takano's face when he dials a number on his phone.

His pocket buzzed. The driver turns to the front.

''Hello ? ''

''Onodera,'' said Takano, '' you're not walking here are you? ''

The brunette chuckled at the question.

''Of course not,'' Onodera answered sternly into his Bluetooth headset. He pushes the front shield of his helmet up, waiting.

''Then where the hell are you ? ''

''I told you,'' said Ritsu, watching the blinking green man as it prepares to change into a red light. '' I'm on my way.''

As the pedestrian light turns to red, the driver ends the call and slides the shield down. The moment the traffic light turned green- signalling cars to go- the wheels of the green Honda CBR600RR spun as the driver speeds away towards the building of Marukawa publishing.

* * *

After killing the engine, Takano walks towards the building and waits for the lift. Standing near him, two female staffs were chatting excitedly.

''Did you see him this morning ? Onodera kun looked so cool ! ''

Takano straightens.

''Yes ! Who knew he actually knew how to drive a motorbike?''

One of them giggles. '' He always look so innocent.''

The editor in chief's expression darkens. So that's why he hadn't seen him. Onodera has gotten himself a new ride.

''Onodera, '' calls Takano as he storms into the office. They were the only ones there. ''Why the hell would you waste your money on a motorbike? There's always the train you idiot!''

Onodera frowns. '' I wanted my own form of transportation. ''

''You could always take the train like you usual do, and my car! Do you even know how to drive one? ''

''For you info,'' scoffs the brunette, '' I do know how to ride one. For one and half years, I did actually travel to uni via my old motorbike, so relax Mr cranky pants. ''

'' Good morning Ricchan ! '' greeted Kisa as he enters the office. The greeting was repeated by a smiling Mino and a grumpy-looking Hatori trailing behind.

''Onodera,'' commanded Takano before Ritsu could say his own good morning. '' Your manuscript is too boring; go edit it all over again. ''

Annoyed, Onodera marches up and grabs the manuscript.

_Sheesh_, thought the editor. _I just wanted my own motorbike._

* * *

**Notes: Sorry for the slow update. School's getting really busy.**

**I this idea when i was listening to GOT7's girls girls girls and all of a sudden, the image of Ritsu riding a motorbike was in my head. **

**I wanted to make him cool without being an ass. I hope Takano wasn't mean in this story.**


	6. Some things remains the same

**Ep 11, at the library.**

Closing his eyes, the tired brunette relaxes, enjoying the night breeze. It was nice-to have nothing to do - to do nothing but enjoy the surroundings. The quiet night brought comfort to his soul. Feeling blissful, Onodera smiles. He was alone and enjoying the solitude. There was no manual to pick up, no phone calls, and most importantly, no-

''What are you doing here?'' came a voice out of nowhere.

Shocked, Onodera nearly jumped out of his skin. Turning around, his shock mixes with dread once he saw his boss standing in front of him. _Speak of the devil._

''What are _you_ doing here? '' counters Ritsu, annoyed that his wonderfully peaceful night was interrupted by the presence of Takano san. The editor in chief was dropping some books into the return slot. '' Other than returning books, what else can I be here for? '_' _

_I can't have a night where I don't see him, can I ?_

After a few exchange of words like _the library here has some rare books _and_ Yea_ and _you can't get them in bookstore_, silences takes over.

''Hey,'' said Takano. '' I don't want you hanging around with people from other departments.''

''Why? ''

''It's annoying,'' the reply came short.

''Don't tell me,'' Onodera starts, feeling mischievous, '' don't me you you're jealous of Hasegawa san.'' The brunette scoffs at his own joke. Expecting to see Takano laughing at it, Onodera gets a serious expression instead.

''It's a joke Takano san,'' the young editor explains. ''You're supposed to be laughing.''

The expression doesn't change. Starting to feel uncomfortable from the drilling gaze of his boss, Onodera leaves. '' I'll be going first. Goodbye''

_Why is it so awkward every time I'm alone with him ?_Absentmindedly, he descends the stairs of the library. Unfortunately, he lost his footing and slipped. In a flash, Takano was over him, holding Ritsu's head, protecting him from the fall.

After another exchange of words like _baka !_ and _you could have crack your head open _and _that was close, _silence takes over, again.

''Takano san,'' said Ritsu, pushing his boss so he could have space to get up. It's about time they let go of holding each other now. They were in that awkward position on the stairs for a while. '' You can let go of me now.''

Takano pushes back, and hugs Ritsu tighter.

''Takano san,'' said Ritsu calmly, stuck. Adrenaline courses through his veins, and Ritsu's heart was beating wildly. '' I'm fine, you can let go now. '' Takano squeezes Ritsu.

''You –''

''Hey,'' starts the raven softly, saying something at last. '' Do you remember anything from then ? ''

''No.'' Ritsu answers instantly. Fearful of what was coming next, the brunette frantically tries to push the raven off._ I don't remember.I don't remember.I don't remember._'' Let go of me. ''

''I'm sure you remember the time you confess-''

''I don't.'' Ritsu panics.

''How about that time you went to my house ? '' Takano grabs him harder.

_Stop_

''No. I don't remember,'' denies Ritsu as he desperately tries to suppress the overwhelming memories-memories which he locked and tucked away so tightly in the corners of his mind- threatening to consume him along with the emotions that came along. '' Let go of me.''

Ritsu pushes and squirms. He wants to escape. He will not go back there. He will not go back to that time when he was fifteen- when first love sounded like a wonderful thing. The calm façade cracks.

''Surely, '' Takano holds Ritsu's face.'' You remember the time we slept together? ''

Digging his fingers into Takano's shoulders, Ritsu looks down.'' No.'' Then he looks up. Large green eyes meets amber iris. '' I don't.''

''Then did you know- that I knew who you were- even before you confessed? ''

_What ?_

Staggering fear, confusion and need to escape made Ritsu brought his hand up and slapped Takano in a desperate attempt to leave as the raven learns in to kiss him forcefully. Running away from everything, Ritsu sprints back home.

_What did that mean?_

**Notes: This was a shorter chapter and not a lot was changed. Still, i hope you can see how Ritsu reacted differently.**


	7. atleast I tried

**Ep 2** when Takano ask if Ritsu remembered him.

* * *

'' You haven't changed at all.''

''Sorry? '' said Ritsu, not catching on to what's his new boss is saying. He was drifting again, thinking about the weird dream he had in the morning. Why did he ever had such a weird dream where he had such a desire towards his boss like that ?

Takano takes another drag at his cigarette, resting his head on his arm. '' You still as direct as ever. ''

Confusion washes over Ritsu, bringing him to awareness as he tries to make sense of the situation. Isn't this only the 2nd time they've met? ''I'm sorry, but do we know each other?'' the brunette asked, ready to apologise if they did, since he couldn't remember the editor in chief.

Taken aback, his new boss's face contoured in surprise as his eyes widen for a fraction of a second. Amber eyes shifts to a shade of cool brown in the dark, fixed accusingly on Onodera. '' Guess you don't remember me then? ''

The newbie shifts in his seat, looking at Takano. Ritsu doesn't want to give an instant reply, incase he does remember him from somewhere. Staring at Takano, Ritsu asked for his name again.

''Takano Masamune, '' his boss answers. The new manga editor takes a sip of his coffee, trying to recall the name, unaware that his new boss was ready to pounce.

''Takano Masamune…'' echos Ritsu. Nails tap against the cold metal can of the drink as he filters through his memories. Since he always addressed people by their family name, the name should be floating somewhere but 'Takano' doesn't ring a bell anywhere at all. Watching the space blankly, the newbie blinks-the name brings nothing up in his head.

While Takano sits and waits, Ritsu looks towards the ceiling as he struggles to recall meeting this person _anywhere_ but here.

''Were you-'' Ritsu turns to Takano '' perhaps someone I know from high school ? ''

Before the editor in chief could answer, Ritsu adds on hurriedly '' because I don't remember anyone from before uni, so I'm sorry if I forgot you. '' Well, the brunette does indeed feel bad, if that was the case. Imagine someone you didn't know from so long back remembering you for whatever reason but you couldn't remember them back!

''You don't remember anything from high school ? '' stated the raven, rubbing the stub of the cigarette down, growing increasingly disgruntled.

''No'' The brunette confirms.

'' Not even Saga Masamune ? '' asked Takano as he pushes Ritsu down the couch and attacks him.

The brunette head snaps up, jolted by a flash of recognition. Memories came rushing as Takano's lips crushes into his. Musty smell of books . Slotted library cards. A particular senior at the seat by the window. Ritsu remembers.

He slaps the raven, feeling not so sorry after all.

''How dare you do that to me, '' rages the brunette, getting ready to throw the can of coffee at his boss. ''After what you did in high school, how dare you do that to me again.''

''Huh?'' says Takano, massaging the stinging red spot. '' What are you talking about ? You were the one who kicked me in the head and left ''

''You-, '' starts Onodera, outraged. '' You were the one who played with my feelings. You laughed when I asked if we were going out.''

''So that's it? '' Takano says in disbelief, grabbing his bag. '' The reason you left was because of that? Because of a misunderstanding. ''

Onodera raises his eyebrows, doubtful. ''Misunderstanding ? '' he spats. The newbie was seriously contemplating punching Takano in the face, new boss or not. '' My emotions aren't a misunderstanding. ''

''So that's it ? '' Turning around to look at his former junior back in high school, a look of firm resolution sets on Takano's face. '' I'm gonna make you say you love me again. '' Declaring that, the editor in chief heads for the lift.

''What the hell ? '' screams Ritsu inwardly at the absurdity of it. He gets up and walks towards Takano.

Standing in front of him, Ritsu makes his stand, determine to carry out his own promise. ''You can dream on. Because that will never happen again. ''

**Hi lovelies, I know this should be the first chapter but I've only got the idea for it now. Poor Takano. I don't know which is worse- getting a quick reply of ' I don't remember you' in the anime/manga to show your insignificance or having to wait as Ritsu goes through slowly everyone he knows in his head and still not remembering him :/**


	8. I know it hurts

**Ep 12**

Anxiously, Onodera Ritsu runs back to the apartment complex. His head stopped spinning with questions only when he finally stepped into the deserted lobby. Once there, the brunette finally relaxes, confident that there was no way Takano would have chased after him; not at the speed he was running.

_Back to safety_

Pressing the button of the lift, Onodera leans against the metal wall, fatigue and relief jostling their way through him. It suddenly felt like a very long day. As the lift travels up, the young man breathes deeply, thinking about his choices.

_I shouldn't have slapped him_

The lift stops

_Should I have slapped him?_

The doors open

_I already slapped him_ so...

Distracted, Onodera walked with his head lowered while he thinks. A figure steps out of apartment 1201, holding a black cat with a white patch on its chest. Upon seeing the new hire, he frowns- obviously not happy with his appearance.

''What are you doing here? ''

Snapping out of his daze, Onodera looks up- Yokozawa san was in casual clothing. Apparently, the senior had the keys to Takano's apartment, because apparently, he just stepped out of it. The brunette didn't know which was more jarring- the sight of him in something other than office wear- or the fact that he was a cat person.

A sense of dread ran through Onodera, followed by a weird sense of déjà vu. He did not want to do this.

''Good evening, '' he greets robotically, face flushed from the sprint. He hopes he can walk past the sales staff already.

''What are you here for? '' grumbled the sales staff, impatient for an answer.

Utter and complete dread passes through Onodera as he braces for the unwanted reaction he was going to get for his answer. '' I live here,'' the brunette answers stoically, pointing to his apartment door, feeling like he was opening the gates of hell ._Please don't tell me you're going to live here too._

''What, are you stalking him now? '' sneered the senior. '' Didn't I tell you to stay away from Masamune ? ''

At the mention of the word, something snaps. The brunette looks ahead . '' Stalking? ''He echoes calmly as his eyelids lowers, making Onodera appear nonchalant. The lid keeping his temper in check was in serious danger of flying off and hitting someone on the face soon.

''What are you doing here? '' asked Onodera.

''What ? '' said Yokozawa, startled.

''I said, '' starts Onodera, throwing his question right back at him. '' What are _you_ doing here? '' No more Mr. Nice guy.

''I-''

''Do you see me coming back with him? '' snaps the editor, eyes flashing with anger. ''Do you see me following him behind like some stalker? No. Now do you see me trailing behind him at work every day? No. Or do you see me harassing him with phone calls every day, like some stalker ? Because if you have a problem with someone going back to their home, I suggest you see a doctor.''

''You-''

''What is your problem? '' demands the newbie as he cuts Yokozawa off, voice low with anger as it bubbles to the surface, rolling off in steams. The cat folds itself into Yokawaza's arms, hiding. Sick of being blamed for whatever issue the guy has, Onodera goes on. '' What is your f-ing issue?'' he repeats, heart beat rising with the adrenaline spiking into his veins.'' Because you have been giving me shit since Day 1, telling me to stay away from Takano san when I have done nothing to him.''

Yokozawa snorts, eyes filled with disgust and intense distaste. 'You've got some nerve, causing such problems and conveniently forgetting about them all. You've really got some nerve. ''

Exasperated, Onodera ask with genuine confusion. ''What are you talking about? ''

''Masamune and I have known each other since collage. He was always a jaded guy due to his family problems. But one day he utterly fell apart. He started skipping lesson, drinking heavily and behaving promiscuously. ''

''So you blame me? '' asked the editor incredulously. Family problems had nothing to do with him. '' Because of his problems, you blame me? ''

''It was all because of you ! '' bellowed the sales staff, tossing Onodera against the wall. Shocked, Onodera freezes. '' The guy he went out with in high school kicked him in the head and left. No explanation. Nothing. Masamune later found out from an old classmate of the scumbag he had a fiancé and was two timing him. Whose fault do you think it is? It was all because of you. ''

Hearing everything, and knowing what happened, Onodera crumples. He looks down on the floor as an overwhelming sense of guilt floods him.

''Did all that really happened? '' the brunette asks in a small voice, guilt and sadness filling his eyes.

''Of course it did ! '' Yokawaza rages, carrying the cat with one arm.

Onodera says nothing, slumping against the wall as Yokozawa releases him. '' Don't ever bother him again,'' he says with a note of finality.

Silently, the editor processes the truth of everything. How he thought Takano had been playing him and left, thinking what a terrible person he was when in actual fact he actually suffered because of didn't know any of that. Not moving an inch, Onodera mumbles something.

''What? ''

''I didn't two timed him. '' The editor says timidly, feeling complete terrible. He doesn't move an inch. ''I never did. ''

At the moment Yokozawa wanted to say something, the lift door chimes and opens. Takano steps out, unaware of what had just happen.

''Oh Takano….'' As Yokozawa and Takano chats, Onodera looks on, lost in his thoughts. Takano bends and picks the cat up, mentioning the name '' Sorata''.A memory surfaces in Onodera's head-on a heavily raining day, a young Onodera watches the raven senior shield the kitten with his umbrella and gently carries the cat up, protecting it from the rain and carries it back home.

The editor gasps as he remembers. Yokozawa leaves, leaving the two of them behind.

''Sorata,'' Onodera says, recalling the sudden memory.

''Ah,'' Takano laments, petting the feline. '' I'm surprise you remember such insignificant detail, but forget the rest. ''

Onodera was still reeling from the shock of the revelation. Seeing his stunned expression, Takano asks whether he's alright. The editor straightens himself and unlocks his door.

''Nothing, '' the brunette answers blankly, turning around to look at his neighbour, properly this time. ''It's just that,'' he drifts, voice getting softer, shaking slightly. '' I… I thought you were kind back then.''

Onodera shuts the door, entering the dark hallway.

* * *

In the safety of his own home, Onodera goes through everything he just learnt, sitting on the floor. Confused and conflicted, the editor wonders whether everything that happened to Takano was really his fault. Back then, he really did left without a backward glance, but he didn't expect all that to happen.

_Was… Did…I didn't expect this to happen_

And then there was the pour of emotions that came with knowing the truth. Even though it was brief, Sorata's appearance just reminded him of the time in high school, when he was still in love with a particular senior.

A knock can from the door. Wearily, Onodera rises up to open it.

''You left this when you fell earlier,'' said Takano, passing a stack of manuscript. Distracted, the brunette takes the papers without a snarky comeback. Noticing that something was off, Takano was about to ask when he saw a thin streak of blood running down Onodera's leg. Telling the newbie he will be back with a first aid kit, his neighbour left the door open as the brunette tries to cope with everything that comes at seeing Takano's face again.

Onodera sits in the hallway as Takano cleans his wound in silence, staring openly at the person he loved.

''Hey,'' says Takano, breaking the silence. '' Are you alright? You've been out for a while. ''

The younger man stares in silence. Takano explains his relationship with Yokozawa , guessing that it was that which was bothering Ritsu.

Taking a while to reply, Onodera's eyes flicker to the floor before resting on his neighbour- his left cheek still had a faint spot of red in the shape of a palm print.

Gingerly, the editor reaches out a hand- the same hand which delivered the slap- placing it gently on Takano's cheek. ''Did it hurt alot ? '' Onodera whispers. Grabbing the hand, Takano presses it into his flesh.

'' I'm sorry,'' the brunette blurts out apologetically, giving a sudden hug to Takano, resting his chin on his shoulder, wrapping his arms around the raven's neck.

A look of shock crosses the raven's face as Onodera repeats his apology. Settling back to his space, Onodera explains.

''I'm so sorry Takano san. I'm sorry of what you went through because of me. I didn't mean to hurt you when I left. I didn't mean to do anything. I … I….'' At this point, Onodera's struggling to get the words out.

Takano leans in and kisses him.

* * *

**What happened next would be what you see in the anime/manga, where Ritsu protested and they got interrupted.**

**So this turn out to be much longer than expected. Oops. **

**From now on, I'm not sure whether I will still go according to the manga or completely deviate from it. This chapter was sort of a mix where i'm trying it out. Let me know what you think**

**Hope you enjoy it and please leave comments!**

**:D**


	9. We're best friends too

Feet pushing off the ground, a brunette rushes to the closing lift.

''Wait, wait! '' Onodera pleads, approaching the lift. Closing, the doors came to an abrupt stop before opening, the person inside holding it.

''Thank you,'' Making to the lift, the brunette says thanks before realizing the person in it was none other than his boss- Takano -and his companion- Yokozawa.

''Good morning,'' the editor-in-chief greets.

''Good morning, '' Onodera greets back weakly, thinking that he should have just taken the stairs instead of the mostawkward lift ride ever in the shortest time possible, feeling the daggers at the back of his series of events which happened the last time the three of them were together flashed through his mind. Lingering guilt and sorrow washes through Onodera.

Shaking the thoughts away, the brunette dashed to his table and immediately starts work once the lift opens; glad to have something else to think about.

At the end of the day, the editor knocks off from work. Taking the lift- this time by himself- Onodera realizes he doesn't know how to act around Takano anymore. Is he supposed to say something? Is Yokozawa in some weird relationship with Takano? Was _he_ in some weird relationship with Takano?

_I definitely am in a bad joke of a relationship with this guy_, thought Onodera. The whole truth of what happened was a bad joke. A really bad one. So he had hurt him too, unintentionally_._ The impression of what Onodera had of the senior for the past ten years has shifted overnight- proven wrong by Yokozawa .

_So, I did mean something to him._

Troubled by everything, Onodera shambles to the exit. For the past few days, he's been avoiding Takano, ashamed. Groaning, the brunette realizes what a mess his life was. He nearly passes someone familiar.

''Ricchan !'' greeted a delighted voice.

Snapping his head around, the brunette smiles at who he sees.

''An chan !,'' greeted Onodera back happily, pleasantly surprise to see his best friend there. She might already have the tittle of Ritsu's future wife to his mum-but to himself, An Kohinata will always have the title of his best friend- in gold.

''What are you doing here? '' asked Onodera, separating from the hug.

''I wanted to surprise you, '' said An, beaming, happy to see the brunette. '' I haven't seen you in a while. ''

''You could have called me to meet over the week ends. ''

'' Your mom tells me you're very busy.'' says An kindly. ''I just wanted to see you for a while. Besides, if I tell you, that won't be a surprise.''

Onodera smiles happily. Finally, someone's presence who he didn't mind – a sight for sore eyes. He's known An chan for almost his entire life. The editor is grateful he didn't do anything drastic like cutting off their friendship when his mom announced the engagement. The two brunettes look at each other.

''Hey, '' says Onodera, an idea forming. '' How about we go do something? It's Friday and I'm sure there's something's we can do to have fun. ''

An chan's face lighted with another bright smile. ''That sounds great Ricchan ! If it doesn't bother you.''

Absolutely delighted, Onodera slung an arm casually around An chan's shoulder. He could take a break from the mess called his life. ''Let's go.''

* * *

''What do you wanna do Ricchan ? '' asked An in the train, looking at him with light brown eyes.

''Hmm…'' The editor considers. No way are they going to do those stupid adult stuff like bars and night club. They're going to do something _fun_.

''No bookstores Ricchan'' teased An , smiling. '' They're probably closed anyway.''

'' I wasn't thinking of that,'' says Onodera, amused. ''And they're still open, for your ….Oh!... Let's do all the things we didn't do before, like karaoke and arcades.'' His eyes were brimming with excitement now. '' We never get to do that because of our parents, now let's do it as adults!''

Looking at him happily, An agreed. '' Okay'' she says softly.

The two brunettes took the train to central Tokyo which was bustling with night life. They scout the place for a karaoke place and belt out songs belonging to their childhood, all the way to the top hits. An cheered when Onodera sing and Onodera cheered when An sing. After two hours of singing and straining their throat, the pair went on to the arcade where they had basketball matches, dance battles, raced cars and tried- but failed hilariously- at trying to pick a Hello kitty plushie in the claw machine.

''To the left, to left! '' said Onodera in a raspy voice.

''No, to the right ! ''

''Move up abit !''

'' You mean down ?,'' said An, distressed. They had a few seconds left until - they lost.

''Let me try,'' said Onodera, determined. ''There's no way we can't beat a machine.''

After a few more tries and attempts at not dismantling the machine, Onodera walks out, victorious.

''Here, you have it.'' The young man passes the plushie to An, who took it joyfully.

''Thank you, Ricchan.''

''Your welcome,'' said Onodera warmly, smiling. The two walked in comfortable silence. '' Should we get something to eat? ''

'' Sure''

''That reminds me,'' chimed the editor.'' Remember when we were younger, people always took us as siblings?''

''Oh yes ! '' laughed An, referring to theirmutual hair colour and fair skin tone.'' The uncle at the ice cream shop gave me a free cone since 'I was your sister'.'' The young lady putted her fingers up and quoted the air. '' Afterwards he found us so cute, he give it for free, always.''

''Yeah,'' agreed Onodera, thinking about their childhood, stopping in front of a sign. ''Late night happy hour,'' he reads out loud. '' 1 for 1, let's go in here! ''

Together, they entered and sat in a booth. Time passes.

''Oh my god,'' exclaimed Onodera, after a meal and a few cups of alcohol. ''Oh my freaking god.''

''Why ?'' asked An in concern, face flushed from the alcohol.

The editor couldn't believe his eyes. In another booth were Takano and Yokozawa, the two people he least expected-and wanted- to see. '' My boss and his friend are here'' commented Onodera drily, slack jawed. ''What the hell are they doing here? '' Sinking into his seat, Onodera raises his head and asked the ceiling.

Turning around, An scanned her surroundings. '' Which two ? ''

Moving her gaze in the direction Onodera was pointing, her sights landed on them.

''The one who looks like an emo goth is Takano san, my boss.'' Onodera turns away, covering his eyes with his hand. _Thank god the place is crowded._

'' You sure he's your editor in chief of shoujo manga? '' said An chan. ''He looks so mean. ''

Hearing the words, Onodera burst out laughing. They were both a little tipsy. The young man chides An chan sternly but continued laughing for a short while. '' Takano san is actually pretty good. He pulled the department up from the grave and turned it into the highest earning one with just a year. ''

''And his friend ? ''

''Yokozawa san is in sales. They're good friends.'' Onodera grins. ''Like us.''

An smiles back and echoes the words softly, a look in her eyes. ''Like us.''

Giving the two men at the other side another glance, An asked '' You sure it's Yokozawa san and not Yakuza san ? ''

Onodera laughs, face flushed as well. ''Let's get out of here.''

The two walked to the main road when An chan suddenly suggested Ritsu to stay over at her house, she's calling her family chauffer to pick her up.

''My parents would love to have you over. ''

Hearing her suggestion, Onodera perks up instantly. An thinks he's happy to be able to meet her parents but Onodera thinks how good it would be to be able to get away from his neighbour.

After waiting for around half an hour, another pair runs into them- the pair Onodera doesn't want to see. Walking side by side, the sales staff and editor in chief came to a halt when Takano spots Onodera, along with another brunette by his side.

''Oh Takano san, '' greets Onodera, meeting his gaze tipsily. '' and Yokozawa san'' The brunette gives a sloppy salute.

''Urgh, why the hell do I always run into you,'' growled Yokozawa. He shifts his eyes onto Onodera's companion.

''Let me introduce you to someone you liked to meet.'' The brunette puts an arm over An, like he did earlier, causally. '' This person you see here- is my best friend - and also, assigned fiancé by my parents- An Kohinata .'' The editor leans on her for support, eyes closed. An, who's holding up a lot better than Onodera, greets them.

Yokozawa manages a ''Hello'' , all the while glaring at Onodera, who he couldn't tell know what has going on or not, and Takano put on a smile wide enough to look convincing.

'' Yokozawa san, don't look so angry. Isn't this the person you two wanted to meet all along ? '' asked the young man. '' After me, my fiancé- my best friend- the person my parents wants me to marry. ''

''Sorry, he's had too much to drink.'' An apologies.

Yokozawa's glare intensifies. Takano looks on with an unreadable expression.

''They think we're going to get married,'' laughs Onodera. '' Tell them we're not going to get married.''

A sleek BMW rolls around and a guy in black uniform gets out. He opens the door and An gets in. Onodera follows and rolls down the window screen before they leave.

''Bye Takano san ! Bye Yokozawa san !''

* * *

**I've decided to steer away from the manga but there might be some similar points in 1 or 2 of the following chapters.**

**The meaning behind the tittle of this chapter is that Onodera and An chan have a similar relationship between them which is like Takano and Yokozawa- they're best friends to one party, but more than that to the other. **

**Hope you enjoy and leave comments !**


	10. Time to thrash it out

Waking up, Onodera Ritsu stretches and yawns heavily, still feeling rather drowsy. After washing up, the brunette picks up his phone and checks it.

_3 Missed Calls- Mom_

Wondering why his mom called him so early in the morning, Onodera returns the calls. ''Hello Mom ? ''

''Ritsu, you've finally woke up ! It's near afternoon already !''

''Ye-'' Before the brunette could get the word out, his mom barrages on, outraged.

'' What were you thinking? Taking An chan out until so late ? And what were you doing getting yourself drunk until she had to bring you back? Ritsu, how could you trouble a proper young lady like An chan like that! ''

The young man pulls the phone back and shields his ear, looking dismayed.

''I-''

''How are you going to take care of her after you two get married ? Really, you should…''

Tired of listening to his mom nag, Onodera shuts his eyes . He doesn't plan to talk about that topic with her, or more likely- it was her who wasn't ready for Ritsu to talk to her about it.

''Mom, I told you, the marriage isn't going to happen.''

''What are-''

''Yesmom, I understandIwontdoitagain ''

Hastily, the young man speeds through his answer and ends the call quickly, before his mom could give another long string of words and advice. Dumping the phone, he falls back to his mattress, sighing.

_Why does mom always have to mention that word?_

* * *

''Good morning Ricchan ! '' greets An brightly at the dining table, a spread of breakfast items ready for consumption before Ritsu's eyes.

''Good morning An chan,'' replied Onodera tiredly, having a mild hangover. Sluggishly, the young man approaches the table and slumps into his seat.

''Looks like someone had too much to drink,'' observed An chan as she settles in her own chair.

'' I'm fine.'' The editor insists. '' And my mom already called 3 times to tell me not to do it again so don't ruin my morning too.''

Eating in silence, An studies her best friend/fiancé. His usual brilliant green eyes were dull with exhaustion. Under his eyes were dark circles from the lack of sleep and he seem to have lost weight.

''Ricchan ''

''Yes ?''

''Are you doing okay ? '' asked his best friend, voice laced with concern. '' You look really worn, and when you were walking out of your office building, you look like there's something troubling you. ''

Swallowing thickly, the brunette grabs his glass of water and drinks. Awkwardly, Onodera laughs, looking into his bowl of cereal. '' Of course I'm fine, why wouldn't I be? ''

''Ricchan''

''I am !''

''Don't lie me.'' Pouting, An chan gives an unhappy face.

''I'm not !''

Another pointed look from An chan

''How did you know I was lying? '' asked the young man, astounded.

''Ricchann, how long have I known you ?'' asked An certainly.

Another person who Onodera thought had her fooled. Maybe he wasn't such a good liar after all. Conceding, the editor drops his spoon with a light 'clank'. Leaning back in his seat, resignation lines his face.

'' It's just… I feel like I'm not making any progress in my work. Originally, I wanted literature but got shoujo manga instead and had to learn everything from scratch. I wanted to transfer but before I knew it, months passed and it's actually okay. Not as fulfilling as literature, still. I mean it has its good points,but… I'm not producing any good work.''

Seeing her best friend look so upset made her own heart swell in pain as well. ''Ricchan''

He looks at the floor, quiet for a few seconds. ''People at my last job- at Onodera publishing, called me a tail coat rider, because I got all the star authors. But I work hard An chan, I did my fair share of work. I put in every bit of commitment and effort as anyone else. But because of who I am, I got called something I wasn't. And unless I prove myself, I will always remain that to them- a tail coat rider.''

''Do you plan to go back to literature? ''

''I don't really know An chan. I wanted to but then … Now shoujo manga isn't look so bad. I get the same joy with working with the authors as literature.''

''But wasn't literature what you wanted in the first place? They're two different things. ''

''Yea,'' said Onodera, thinking back to his first goal in mind, echoing his answer. ''Yea''

The editor picks up his spoon again, stirring pointlessly in his bowl of milk and cereal. An chan could tell there's something more, something he's holding back. But, the petite brunette doesn't want to push the boy opposite her too much, because she has something else to say.

The topic was never really talked about before- only once. That time, the answer was ''Sorry'' and ''I don't think it's a good idea'' and other words that didn't numb the pain. Maybe they're ready to talk about it again. Maybe, this time-the answer would be different.

Carefully, An chan spoke his name. Onodera could tell from the tone that it was the topic he wanted to avoid- the one his mom wanted so badly to happen.

''Ricchan''

''I'm sorry An chan, but I can't talk about it.'' The editor gets up suddenly from his seat and gives a smile that doesn't quite resemble his. '' Thank you for spending time with me yesterday and letting me stay over. Sorry for the inconvenience caused.''

He leaves, breakfast barely touched.

* * *

''What do I want? '' asked the editor as he walked back home from the train station, despite An chan's insistence on the chauffeur- despite the cold weather of winter. He needed a walk.

''What do I want? '' Onodera ask again, feeling lost. Deep in his thoughts, he strolls his way back, closed off from the world. All along, the brunette wonders –exactly- what does he want? Reaching the lobby of the apartment building, he runs into Yokozawa.

Giving him a wilting look, the sales staff comments on his arrival. '' I see you've finally back. Did you have fun playing with your fiancé last night? If you got so much time, put more of it into your work. ''

''She- I- '' Vexed, Onodera gives up explaining. _He's not going to listen anyways._ '' I don't have to explain anything to you. And you don't have to bother yourself with my matters. For your info, nothing happened. ''

''You've got a lot of nerve saying that after the stunt you pulled last night- introducing her to us in that state. ''

''Whatever,'' says Onodera, rolling his eyes. '' I didn't do anything wrong.''

''I was right to call you a stalker.'' Yokozawa glares. '' Masamune told me what happened last night. So you stalked him while you had a fiancé- you're two timer as well.'' Finishing his sentence, Yokozawa takes his leave.

Within seconds, Onodera was in front of him, blocking his path, looking squarely at him.

''I am not a two timer.'' Onodera states firmly and evenly, anger rising. ''Never call me that again.'' Without waiting for a response, the brunette takes the lift up, looking for the resident of apartment 1201.

* * *

_BANG BANG BANG_

Loud pounding came from his door. Opening it, Takano looks into the angry face of his neighbor, Onodera Ritsu.

''Get out'' commands his subordinate. '' We need to talk.''

Standing at the root top, the two face each other.

''Is that how you treat someone who's sorry? '' yelled Onodera, pissed. His breath warms the air, making it look like he was breathing steam out of his mouth. '' I already apologized for leaving you last time. Did you have to go and make fun of me like that? Did you had to go and called me a stalker and a two timer? ''

The editor presses his temple, trying to prevent a headache from forming. '' An chan is my best friend. Our engagement was agreed by our parents- not us. I told her before I had someone else. She knows I had someone else. And also, I never cheated on you. So tell Yokozawa san so stop calling me a two-timer.''

''Look here Onodera, I don't know what-''

The brunette scoffs, incredulous. '' Oh please, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. You know Yokozawa san is in love with you. He' been telling me to stay away from you ever since we've met and I bet he will skin me alive if I ever go within one meter radius of you.''

''Onodera,'' says Takano, having enough of all was written all over the editor –in –chief's face. '' I don't have a damn clue what you're talking about. Stop being the pamper prince you are and stop coming up with all these crap on you own! ''

Silence takes over immediately.

'' What I mean is-'' Knowing he said something he shouldn't have, Takano starts to back pedal. However, Onodera cuts him off.

''A pamper prince,'' says Onodera,trying to hide the fact that the words sting. '' So that was all I am to you,'' he concludes, drawing his head downs as he chuckles.

''Ono-''

''You know-'' the brunette starts, voice wavering. ''For a long time Takano san, I couldn't figure out what I was to you. For ten years I wondered what I meant to you. A stalker ? A junior ? Someone you actually love? '' Raising his head up, Onodera looks at Takano in the eye, the hurt giving way to something else. '' You just cleared all my doubts in one shot – a pampered prince. ''

He wants to take it back, to say that he's wrong, to say that he's more than that- so much more.

Tears well up in Onodera's eyes. '' When Yokozawa san told me what happened, I thought'_ Oh no, so I was the bad person all along_'. Because I mistook your actions, I left you without a backward glance. I thought it was wrong of me to do that. But looks like I'm right the entire time.''

''That's not it. ''

Onodera goes on as a tear falls. '' In the end, I'm nothing but a pampered prince to you.'' He sniffles. '' You can laugh at my stupidity for liking you so much back then, but please don't insult the sincerity I had towards you. ''

_Because that was all I ever had_

''Sincerity? '' Takano asked. '' Who was playing with who? You told me you loved me and then left.

Finally, he breaks. '' Did you know how hurt and confused I was? '' the editor in chief asked. '' At first I didn't believe you would leave me, that there was a reason for your disappearance .Then I found out you had a fiancé and was engaged. ''

''And you think it was easy for me? '' Onodera wipes his cheek which was wet with tears, fighting for his side of the story. '' I thought the person I love for so long was a good person- a kind person. When you helped me with my homework, I thought' _Senpai must be a nice person_.' When I saw you carry Sorata back in the rain, I thought, '_ Senpai must be a kind person_.' He must be a really good person.''

Onodera is letting it all out now-the held in anguish and pain- the heartache he went through. Supressed memories and emotions coming back in waves. '' The person I loved turned out to be a really bad person playing with me. It shocked me so much that I had to stay away from school because I couldn't do anything else but feel the pain. I left because I couldn't face you. How could I face you? You think it was easy for me? I couldn't tell anyone what happen. Not even to An chan. I was alone by myself. ''

The brunette let the tears fall, continuing._ ''_Because of what happened, I lost my confidence in love. All my later relationships never worked out because I lost my faith in think that was easy? ''

He tries to have a hold on his emotions. ''I did all those things because I loved you. I stalked you using a fake name because I wanted to get close to you without disturbing you. I went back for you when it rained after you called me disgusting because I understood that it was weird to have a stalker doing all those things. When you told me you loved me, I choose to believe in you because I believe that you were a good person. I choose to ignore my doubts and insecurities that you could return my feelings – all because I loved you. When all my belief and faith got shattered in an instant, you think that was easy? ''

With nothing left to say, Onodera walks away. Takano ask one question '' Why didn't you tell me about her before?''

The brunette turns and looks at him- the senior from ten years ago who he crossed paths again. His answer is simple. ''Because I loved you. The person I loved wasn't An chan. I didn't tell you about her because I had no reason to. I wasn't going to marry her. There wasn't anyone else but you then. ''

Onodera dries his tears. '' You're right Takano san. Having the person you love turn on you like that must had hurt a lot. I'm sorry.''

The brunette gives no excuses, just one last apology before he goes, leaving Takano standing at the root top.

* * *

**Hope you enjoy and please leave comments ! :)**


	11. Together for Christmas

It's the time of the year again.

The time when it's the only time you can sing Christmas carols, enjoy a cup of hot chocolate with some cookies, and maybe do some Christmas shopping.

Except that it's not

Bursting into the room, the last remaining standing member of the Maiden department, Onodera Ritsu, came running back with the manuscript. With limited time till the deadline looming over everyone, it was like the race against death. Taking a quick glance around, the brunette asserts how absolutely drained the whole crew is. Barking out commands like a drill sergeant, Takano orders everyone to finish any last minute job left.

'' What is Christmas? '' Onodera Ritsu questions.

When finally, the team finally finishes the Christmas edition specials, the editor trudges out to the cold world outside the office where he takes a seat on the bench, thinking when did Christmas became so _awful._

_This sucks_

Remembering why, it suddenly seemed a lot worst.

_Oh yea_

_Since I started working_

Entranced, the brunette watches the flakes of snow falls, drifting in the dark sky. When was the last time he enjoyed Christmas? What happen to the all hot chocolate and the cheerful Chrismatas spirit surrounding everybody? Now he's slogging his guts out through the day with the rest of the shoujo manga team. Listening to the jolly Christmas songs playing down the streets, the brunette calms down and observes his surroundings. He watches the people come and go, all heading off to a place they need to be. Then, it occurs to him that the street was filled with couples, holding hands.

_Must be nice to have someone_

He sighs. On the bench, he thinks about the dream he had. Slowly, it's all coming back to him- the forgotten memories. He dreamt about Christmas, he dreamt about celebrating a birthday. He dreamt about him. Dates are specific- hard to forget-but once you forget, you forget the numbers for good.

His pocket vibrated and Onodera checks the message.

_You can go home now- Takano san_

'_Of course I can go home',_ thought Onodera ,annoyed. _Where else can I go ? The north pole ?_ He stuffs his phone back into his pocket. Other than during work, they hadn't had a single exchange of word. Onodera doesn't have anything to say to him anyways. Suddenly, the editor jolts up, remembering something he left behind in the office.

Speedily, the brunette takes the lift up and heads for the darkened office. Approaching the place, he heard voices.

''Oh,'' said Takano, smoking with Yokozawa. '' You're still here ? ''

''I came back to get something, '' replied Onodera curtly, without giving them a single glance. '' Not because of you.''

After rummaging through his desk, he finds what he wants and takes the lift down. Near the office building, Onodera drops his card into the mailbox- his yearly tradition. Coming out, Yokozawa spots the brunette, and walks towards him.

''Do you know when's Masamune's birthday? ''

Surprisingly, the digit and month pops instantly to his head. ''24th December. Christmas Eve. Tomorrow. ''

''I'm surprised you could remember,'' grumbles Yokozawa , walking off.

_Me too_

* * *

''Um…,'' out of the corner of his eye, the manga editor looks at his boss, who was sitting next to him in the train. '' Are you stalking me or something? '' sums Onodera sceptically. _Why is he here ?_

''No.''

Nothing else was said.

''Takano san''

The editor in chief cracks a heavy eyelid open.

''Tomorrow's your birthday right ? ''

''Yeap.'' The raven glances at him. '' You remembered?''

'' Miraculously- yes, I remembered,'' Onodera answered. _What a miracle_ '' Happy birthday.''

The editor-in-chief stretches out his hand open, expecting his gift. ''Where's my present? '' he asked. Grimacing, the newbie editor slaps his own palm down, hard.

_That's your present_

''No present?'' said Takano in mock disappointment, fingers curling around Onodera's hand, holding it firmly. The brunette stares at him and shakes his head.

Takano yawns. ''A drive, 'he said, asking for his gift. '' Come on a drive with me tomorrow.''

Promptly, Onodera agreed.

Takano looked at him in surprise.

''Okay,'' repeated Onodera, fine with the request. His unblinking green eyes staring back at Takano as his boss held on to his hand.

_Knock knock knock_

''Uh Takano san,'' the brunette greets blearily as he opens the door. '' Do you have to wake me up so early?''

''You said 'okay'. ''

Groaning, Onodera runs a hand through his uncombed hair. ''10 minutes. I need 10 minutes. ''

''I'm surprised you agreed to come with me,'' said Takano, getting into his seat. Besides him, Ritsu pulls his seatbelt over and secures it.

''It's your birthday,'' Onodera answers, turning the radio on, switching channels. ''And you asked nicely. ''

After going through a bunch of awful and boring music, the brunette decides to turn the radio off and stares out the window instead.

''Happy birthday,'' he wishes again quietly, resting his head against the headrest. Eventually, Onodera drifts off.

At some point, Takano realized his neighbour has fallen asleep. He pulls the car over ‒stopping temporarily. Draping the coat over the sleeping brunette like a blanket, Takano leans back and gazes at Onodera for a long moment, lost in the world with the two of them in it.

* * *

Slowly, Onodera opens his eyes. He blinks and looks out the window, waking up to a snowing scene. Surprised, he puts on his jacket and rushes out the car. Trudging to his neighbor in the heavy snow, the brunette looks at the view Takano's watching with wide eyes.

_This is amazing_

Dreamily, he takes in the magnificent view of the city below. With sparkly bright lights against a snowy background, the whole town looked like a winter wonderland.

''Woa,'' said Onodera, engrossed in the landscape before his eyes. ''So pretty'' he sighs, grinning in content like a 5 year old, a twinkle as bright as the stars lighting up his eyes. Next to him, watching the brunette, Takano's own smile goes unnoticed.

''I'm sorry,'' said Takano.

''Eh ? '' said Ritsu, startled.

''I'm sorry,'' he said.'' For everything''

Onodera does nothing ‒just smiles at him, turning his attention back to the view. '' I'm so glad I came with you today.''

''I love you,'' before Onodera could react, Takano grabs him in for a kiss. Instinctively, the brunette pushes him off, stepping backwards.

''I loved you for the past ten years'' claimed Takano vehemently, looking into them.

''You can't. You can't be in love with me. What about Yokozawa san ? ''

''What about him? We're just good friends.''

''That's not the problem.''

Honestly, Takano explains his relationship with Yokozawa, including the days in uni.

Shaking his head, a solemn expression on his face, Onodera keeps the space between them and spoke gravelly. '' You're best friend is in love with you. You have to do something about it.''

''What about you? What are you going to do about your fiancé? ''

At the mention of the word, Onodera's mood turned sour. ''Please,'' the brunette half-plead. ''I don't want to fight with you today. It's your birthday.''

Takano moves forward, taking two steps. Onodera takes another backwards, caution in his green eyes.

"I'm not going to hurt you,"said Takano gently, like he was talking to a wounded bird.

"You can't say that," said Onodera, knowing full well about the truth. "Nobody can."

Shaken, the brunette twists away, unsure of what to do. He could feel the thumping of his heart against his chest. Suddenly, Onodera sneezes, breaking the tension between them. Grateful to avoid another argument, the brunette dragged himself back to the car. Reluctantly, he puts on his seatbelt and observes the view outside. The raven gets into the car too. Wiping his specs, Takano mentions something.

''That reminds me, when we were going out, I used to imagine how would we spend Christmas together. Thinking about exchanging presents, what size of cake we should get and things like that. Childish isn't it? ''

Onodera continues staring out the window, silent. Takano starts to think he didn't hear him.

''I know,'' said Onodera all of a sudden, reminded of his dream. He places his hand against the freezing window screen and removes it, leaving a ghostly imprint that fades slowly. Turning to Takano, he carries on, the sore pain of sorrow in his chest. '' I… I used to think about the same thing too‒wanting to celebrate Christmas together. I thought about getting gifts and eating cake with you. Too bad we didn't have a chance to make it happen.''

Hearing the words, knowing that they shared the same sentiment towards each other these years, Takano breaks into a soft smile. '' There's still places open. I'm sure we can get a cake somewhere.''

Onodera returns his smile in reply.

* * *

''How's the cake? '' asked Takano, eating with Ritsu outside a bakery.

''It's nice,'' said the brunette, digging into it. Minutes passed before he said something else. ''I'm really glad I came with you today.''

They smiled.

**Author notes: Sorry everyone for the late and bland update. My papers are over ! WooHoo ~ You know what that mean ?Means I get to write more now ~**

**Hope you liked this and leave any comments below !**


	12. There's no answer

Lying face down on the floor, completely knocked out, was the manga editor. Feeling the incessant vibration of his phone, the brunette blindly feels for it in his bag and picks up the call groggily.

''Hello… this is Onodera Ritsu speaking.''

''Ritsu !''

Upon hearing the sharp tone of his parent, the brunette's brain wakes up a bit more. He pushes himself up from the floor. ''Mom ? ''

''Ritsu''

''Why are you calling me for? ''

''To give you a chance''

''A chance? '' asked Onodera quizzically, eyebrow burrowing in confusion. In sitting position now, he yawns quietly.

''For you to redeem yourself from the time your drank yourself silly and need to stay at An chan's house. She's attending a friend's wedding at a hotel tonight. This is your chance to act as a gentleman and bring her home to demonstrate some manners.''

_Uh huh._

''Sorry Mom, I can't pick An chan up tonight, '' said the manga editor, with a legit reason in hand. Standing up, he goes over to the kitchen and pours himself a cup of water. '' I have to attend my company's New Year's Eve party. It's compulsory. '' For once, Onodera's pleased he had to attend something as boring and superficial as that. He scoffs, thinking about all the socializing he had to do.

The brunette heard his mom tsk over the phone. '' What's the hotel ? ''

''Four seasons hotel.''

''That's great!'' she said , overjoyed. '' There's where the wedding is held. You can send An chan back after all.''

''Nopesorry, .Bye''

Onodera sighs, and glances at the time on the clock. Realizing he's going to be late, the brunette hurries to get ready, swiftly ending the his door, Onodera sees his neighbour face to face, coming out of his apartment as well.

''How fantastic,'' he muttered under his breath as Takano does a double take at him. _Just what I need to start the day: a call from my mom, waking up late after sleeping on the floor and seeing my boss. _In a huff, Onodera stalks off, carrying his well-ironed suit.

''Is that how you greet your superior in the morning?''

''Good morning''

''I'll drive you, '' said Takano, ahead of Onodera due to his long legs covering a larger distance.

''No thanks,'' said the brunette, getting in to the lift.

''Hmm,'' the editor in chief goes in after him. '' Are you afraid that you still have feelings for me? ''

''Absolutely not,'' Onodera jams a finger on the button. '' Don't go off imaging things on your own.''

''Then you're taking my car.''

''No,'' answered the newbie. '' I just don't want to.''

* * *

''Ricchan,'' said Kisa. '' Are you looking forward to the the New Year's Eve party tonight?''

''Is it something I should be excited about? '' asked Onodera, despite already having an answer of his own.

''Of course it is! It's when you get to see everyone dressed up in suits and dresses and have an excuse to drink on the job! ''

''Sounds great, ''said the editor. _Don't forget all the work we have to do smiling all time and act friendly with people you don't know. _''Well, I suppose it is a good opportunity to meet all the authors and build relationship with them.''

''That's the sprit!'' said Mino encouragingly, smiling as always. Onodera rises from his seat and leaves the room as he receives a call, expecting it he leaves, Mino and Kisa speculate who it was that made the editor leave to pick up a call privately. Takano catches their words.

Alone, Onodera starts the conversation. '' Mom''

''Ritsu, you-''

''_Mom,_'' said the editor, exasperated. '' Are you really going to be like this? I told you, I can't pick An chan up tonight.'' He let a second pass. '' And I told you a lot of times too, I'm not going to marry her. ''

''Ritsu,'' starts his mom. Impatiently, the brunette closes his eyes, letting out a long exhale. '' Where else are you going to find a women as good as An chan ? You two grew up together and she's nice, and fine with the engagement. What are you unhappy about? ''

''I can't marry her,'' he said firmly.

''Then do you have someone you love?''

'' I'm at work now,'' said Onodera irritably, as if it was something inappropriate to talk about. Hoping to end the conversation, he refused to answer.

''Well whatever your reason is, you can tell her yourself tonight when you pick her up. Don't argue with me. I already told her you're coming. That's it.''

''Mu-'' She hangs up.

''Onodera ! '' shouted Takano, coming over. '' This is working hours, get back to work. And while phone calls are allowed ‒ keep it at a minimum. You can chat with your cute little fiancé after work.''

''That was my mom, '' said Onodera, sliding his phone back. '' And don't worry, I won't be picking up any more personal calls.''

* * *

_Where are they ?_ Wondered the editor nervously, pacing back and forth. They team was supposed to be here by now. In the meantime, while he waits, he makes small chat with whomever around him. Going around, the photographer hired takes photos of everyone, both candid and posed.

''It's a nice party isn't it?'' said the photographer, stopping beside Onodera to go through the pictures taken. Leaning over, the young man looks at the pictures and said '' you can say so''.

''Look, there they are! ''

''They look just as dashing as last year! '' Excited chatter rose from the crowd as the female attendants turned their attention to the boys of Maiden department, who were strolling in, looking fine and sharp in their suits.

_Talk about being fashionably late_

Watching each of them gave a dazzling smile to the crowd around them, Onodera unconsciously raises his eyebrows, fighting to stop his eyes from rolling out of their sockets. He swore he heard some squeals from the ladies in front of him. Snapping away, the photographer takes pictures of the emerald boys making their grand entrance.

_And a dramatic entrance._

As Takano calls Onodera over, the brunette tidies himself and runs a hand through his brown locks, ready to mingle.

''Looks like Ricchan's doing well,'' said Kisa as he watches with Mino. Almost 2 hours have passed and they happened to pass by each other. Somewhere in the ballroom, people were gathering around Onodera as he interacts with them. Charmingly, the brunette work his way around, smiling at everyone and sharing jokes with them.

''Onodera kun, I didn't know you were so funny! '

''Oh,'' said Onodera, giving his attention to one the ladies. '' I didn't know you had such as good sense of humour too.''

A deep voice interrupted them. '' Sorry ladies,'' said Takano graciously. ''I need to bring our newbie around now. ''

Before the brunette leaves, someone passed him glass of beer. '' Onodera kun, you haven't had a drink with us yet.'' Onodera reaches for the beverage, gladly accepting any drink after talking so much. However, before he could take a sip, Takano took the drink from him.

''He can't drink,'' said Takano, smiling. Giving a tight smile, Onodera shrugs.

''Boss says no.''

Finally, the brunette took a short break‒ grabbing a drink after talking to a few more mangakas. Alone, away from the need to make a good impression, he relaxes. Guzzling his drink, Onodera pours himself another as he spots the photographer again in another part of the room. As the editor rests, he briefly wonders how much the guy actually likes his job- going around taking pictures. Gulping, the brunette asked himself the same question- how much does he actually like his job?

While the brunette takes moment to rest, the photography moves on to another crowd. He turns and sees the friendly brunette at the table. Onodera see him too and waves, giving a smile. Instead of waving back, the photographer raises his camera and clicks, moving on again.

''Have a pleasant trip back home,'' Onodera smiles at the guest leaving in the lobby, still at the party. After the guest left, the brunette massages his jaw with both of hands, dropping his affable façade.

_I smiled so much that my jaws hurt._

He couldn't wait to get back home. Taking the chance to check his phone, he scrolls through the endless missed calls‒all from An chan.

_Oh No_

''Ricchan '' called a female voice. An chan gets up from her seat, having waited in the corner.

''An chan,'' said Onodera, feeling immensely apologetic for forgetting about her. He had made her wait for god knows how long. '' I'm sorry An chan. I didn't mean to make you wait. But I really couldn't get away-'' the brunette speeds up his words'' and I already my mom that I couldn't pick you up but she still insisted and … and … I'm sorry.''

Silently, An chan glances at the marble floor of the lobby, holding back her words. '' Ricchan… I have something I want to talk to you about.'' Despite knowing he had to go back to work, Onodera ‒being confronted with how inevitable this conversation was‒stayed.

''Ricchan,'' starts the petite brunette quietly. '' I just attended a friend's wedding today,''

The editor could feel his stomach flip at what was coming.

''It was a lovely wedding. My friend look happy and the groom looked happy. The guest who attended the wedding were happy. ''

''An chan'' said Onodera, not knowing what else to say.

''She was really pretty today Ricchan, I've never seen her look so happy. When they spoke their vows, you could tell they were thinking of each other. And when she throw her bouquet, you could tell how happy she was. Whenever I think of doing something like that Ricchan,'' she looks up at him with gleaming brown eyes,'' I think of doing it with you.''

''Ricchan,'' said An chan, letting out what she wanted to say all the while waiting for an answer. ''I love you.'' Unbeknownst to them, someone else heard that line. 'I know your answer from last time was no. But-'' the petite brunette looks at the other, '' I was hoping this time, I would get a different answer. ''

Looking into the gentle bright eyes of his best friend, knowing she was looking at him with hope, Onodera felt even worse. Pursing his lips, the editor gives her his answer. '' I'm sorry An chan but I can't marry you.''

The hope was replaced by disappointment and hurt.

''Why not Ricchan? ''

''I can't marry you,'' he states firmly, shaking his head. '' I can't watch you have a loveless marriage.''

An chan looked like she was slapped. '' It's not completely loveless,'' she said with a look of defiance, sure that at least one party felt that way. ''Atleast,not for me.''

''An chan, I'm sorry,'' said Onodera apologetically. '' But I don't love you that way. You need to marry someone who loves you.'' He shifts his feet. '' I can't be that someone.''

''Is it because of that person? '' questioned An chan, turning upset. '' The one you loved back in middle school? ''

''What does that has to do with anything? ''

''You… weren't quite the same after that,'' said An chan. '' None of your relationships lasted. I had hoped it was because of me but…''

''This isn't about him,'' said Onodera, swapping away a memory of a brooding senior with jet-black hair, alone in a corner, engrossed in his novel. ''This isn't about him at all,'' insisted the brunette, eyes turning moist at thought of him.

''Him ? ''said An chan incredulously, with shocked anger. Onodera averts his gaze. ''Him ?'' she repeats, louder this time. Nodding her head away with disbelief, the petite brunette explodes. '' This is all about him!'' she shouts.

''It's not about him,'' said Onodera quietly.

With tears yet to fall lining her eyes, An chan asked '' Are you still in love with him? ''

At the moment, when the question was left in the air to be answered, a certain editor in chief with amber eyes felt his heart jumped. This was the question that would decide everything. The two of them waited, wanting to hear the answer from the green-eyed brunette.

''I-I don't know,'' he said finally. Swallowing, Onodera presses a hand onto his forehead. '' I wish I could tell you An chan. I really wish I could give you an answer. But I-I really don't.'' He drops his hand '' I don't want to hurt you.''

''Isn't it abit too late for that? ''Said An chan pithily.''Ricchan,''she said, trying to keep herself composed. ''Can't we at least try? '' She peers at the young man with pleading eyes. '' I know you're not in love with me but can't we at least try? Can't you give us just one chance to try to see if we work? ''

Suddenly, they heard Onodera's name being called.

''Onodera! What are you doing ? You still have work to do.'' As Takano went over to them, An chan realize that Onodera still had work left and was unable to give her a response. Upset with the sudden disturbance and everything else, she ran off.

''How much did you hear? '' asked Onodera, knowing it was impossible for him not to.

''Almost everything,'' said Takano.

**Part 2 coming soon since this was too long**


	13. There's no answer part 2

''Don't eavesdrop on other people's conversation.'' Onodera told Takano, following him to his car. ''It's rude.''

''You two were so loud, '' said Takano, getting his keys out. '' Anyone could have heard you.'' Too tired to comment on his excuse, the editor opens the car door.

Sensing his boss's curiosity, Onodera explains. '' There's no train at this time. And I don't want to wait for a taxi.'' Wordlessly, Onodera get in and stares out the window, utterly exhausted. They rode in silence. His phone vibrated. Wearily, he answers it.

''Ricchan ! What did you say to An chan ? '' demanded his mom fiercely over the phone. Onodera shut his eyes.

''I told her the truth.''

''The truth ? Ritsu, An chan was crying her eyes when I talked to her on the phone.''

''I'm sorry, Mom'' said Onodera, worn out. '' I didn't mean to make her cry.''

''Ritsu, I gave you a chance to correct your mistake, not make it worse! You better apologise to An chan about this,'' she said, ending the call.

Tossing his phone against the car in frustration, Onodera presses his palm against his head, exhaling deeply. Turning back to the window, he stares out of it again. At a loss, the editor runs his fingers on his scalp.

_How did things become such a mess?_

''Takano san,'' said Onodera after a while.

''What ?''

''Are you waiting for an answer from me too? '' asked the brunette, who quickly answered his own inquiry. '' Of course you are, what am I saying? Everyone is waiting to get a reply from me.''

''Well, things would be easier if you're not always running away all the time,'' said Takano. '' How was the party? ''

''I never want to attended it again,'' answered Onodera gravelly and honestly. He soothes his hair as what happen with An chan goes through his mind again. ''I think,'' starts Onodera , his sentence soft, breaking the silence. '' I think I'm a terrible person…. I broke An chan's heart when I couldn't return her feelings. I broke my parents' heart for not following their wishes. Ten years ago, I broke yours when I ran away.'' Takano glances over. ''I wish I can give you an answer. I wish I can give you all an answer. ''The newbie sighs again. ''Stop the car.''

Takano gives him a quizzical look.

''It's fine,'' said Onodera, getting out. '' I can walk back from here.''

''Onodera,'' called Takano, getting out as well. ''Get back in the car. I'll drive you back.''

''It's fine Takano san,'' said the newbie. '' I'm an adult. I can handle myself. I just want to be alone.''

akano walked over to Ritsu's side and grabbed his wrist. '' Get back into the car. '' Onodera lets the arm drop to his side, too tired to fight.

''Are you in love with me or not? '' asked Takano.

''Like I said, I don't know.'' Giving the truth, the brunette shakes the hand off. ''Don't worry,'' said Onodera. '' Running away isn't an option this time. ''

As the editor watches the car pulls away, the mystifying question pops up in his head again.

_Are you still in love with him?_

* * *

Past his bangs, Onodera peeks at Takano. The raven was at his desk, going through manuscripts.

''Why? '' asked Takano, sensing his stare. '' Do you have something to ask? ''

''No,'' said Onodera, lowering his eyes back to his own manuscript. Two weeks have past and Onodera still hasn't move beyond where he started during the new's year‒ he still hasn't had a clue what to do.

_Are you still in love with him? _The question resonates loudly in his ears, amplified his conflicted silence.

_Am I still in love with him? _Wondered Onodera countlessly. _No_ He shakes his head. He couldn't be still in love with him. There's just no way, right? But then, how do you explain how flustered he is whenever he's around him. How do you explain, the tsunami of emotions that crashes onto him whenever a memory of a certain raven senior rises again? How do you explain, the wrench of pain in his heart when he thinks of him?

''Onodera! '' Takano smacks the newbie on the head. '' Don't daydream! ''

''Yes,'' said Onodera, rubbing his head. He shouldn't be thinking about this at work, getting distracted. And there's the matter of answering An chan, who still hadn't heard from him at all.

_Can't we at least try?_

The editor exhales deeply, a look of conflict on his face.

''Ricchan,'' said Kisa,on the phone with mangaka, '' could you help me get a file?''

''Sure,'' said Onodera as his co-worker scribbled the file name down. The brunette took the note and went to the back of the room, where the shelves with the files were at. Scanning the files, he searches for the right one and spots in at the upper top. Reaching for it, Onodera realized he's not close enough. He tries tipping on his toes, barely touching the file. Again, he tries to reach for it by jumping this time. While he struggled to reach it ‒out of nowhere‒a hand stretches and takes the file.

Onodera turns to say thanks. However, when he sees Takano standing beside him, his words dies off instantly. Wordlessly, Takano hands Onodera the file. Cool amber eyes, framed by a pair of black rimmed spec, covered slightly by a fringe of black hair ‒ met big green ones for a second ‒before turning away. As Takano goes back to his seat, Onodera remains rooted in his spot, stunned, the slightest hint of red spreading across his face.

''Onodera,'' snapped Takano, catching his subordinate standing there like a statue. '' What are you doing standing there for?''

''Nothing,'' mumbled Onodera, a faraway look in his moist eyes, being reminded of something that happened a long time ago.

* * *

''Ring, ring ring! ''

''Hello '' said An chan into the receiver, picking up the call coming from her house phone.

''An chan''

''Ricchan? ''

''We need to talk,'' says the male, '' I can't give you an answer yet but we need to talk.''

Arriving at the place where they're meeting, An chan sees Onodera seating on a bench, an air of restlessness around him.

''What's this about Ricchan? '' said the petite brunette with her scarf a bit more carelessly thrown than usual, wondering what was so important that they had to meet during Ritsu's lunch break.

Onodera stands up. '' I'm sorry'' he said, his breathe forming a whit fog. ''I'm sorry for making you come all the way here just for me. ''

Holding his arm, An chan seats down on the bench and pulls him to do the same. '' Ricchan, '' Concern and mild confusion washed over the fiancé. ''What do you want to talk about?''

''I'm sorry An chan that I couldn't ‒ and still can't ‒ give you an answer. As to whether I'm still in love with him, at first I thought no, that there was no way I was still in love with him. I couldn't even remember how he looked like. But now, after seeing him again, all these feelings are coming back and I'm not too sure anymore. And if I'm not sure about how I feel how can I give you a chance? That wouldn't be fair. ''Honestly, An chan was still a bit mad at him, but still, he was her best friend and the person she love, so she could understand. ''It's funny isn't it‒ not knowing how I feel. It's like saying I don't know what I don't know.''

''Is he someone I know? '' asked An chan, not knowing a better way to approach the question.

''He was my senior back before I left for England. Now, he's my boss. ''

''Oh,'' said An chan. '' Oh wow. What a coincidence.''

Onodera frowns. _He was why I left the first place_

''Ricchan, I know this is confusing for you. But, you need to figure out what you want and whether you want to pursue that relationship,'' said An chan. '' I'm still a bit mad at you for hiding something like that from me for so long.'' She puts her hand on his shoulder. ''I know this isn't easy Ricchan, but you need to decide for yourself what you want. Other people can't decide what you want for you. '' said An chan, rising up. '' You have to decide what you want yourself.''

Onodera looked at the ground and pondered to himself.

''Tell me when you're ready Ricchan.''

* * *

**Part 2 is here you guys. And have you seen the new SIH manga chapter yet ? It's finally out ~ *dances around***

**Some changes I made to the story are changing the genre from General to Angst and Hurt/Comfort since I thought it would be better. I might change it again, depending on the story. Also, I've made An an offical character now - she's has too much of a role now not to.**

**In the story description, I added AU to it (should have done this long ago).**

**Enjoy !**


	14. Hiatus

Dear peeps

I am going on a hiatus for a month and hence would like to let you know that there won't be any more updates for the following weeks.

That's it.

Peaceout

Flyawayfreedom


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